All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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