A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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