just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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