my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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