i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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