My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize