i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
