'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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