I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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