Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize