Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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