You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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