this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
