My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize