I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
