Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
