Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
