I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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