If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
