I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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