Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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