i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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