Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize