he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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