My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This baby is an asshole
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize