I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
