didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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