Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
either way he was missing a nipple.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
