Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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