Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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