hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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