This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
