I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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