i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize