The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
