I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
that may or may not have been my penis.
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