the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
