A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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