i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's never too late to be topless.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
