The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
