Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
