Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize