Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
