Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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