She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
