as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
