tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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