Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
