the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
