just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
false alarm. still invincible.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize