i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
