Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
