I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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