Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
