i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
