ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize