scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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