from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you never un-have a 4some
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
