My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
