I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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