Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also, beer. Big fan.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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