By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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