I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize