I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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