my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
