Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
