So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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