I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize
