I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize