Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
