Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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