He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
