so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
