im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
