Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
