happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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