Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
