remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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