he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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