"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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