I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize