I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
