the new term for farting is butt boxing.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
