oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All the doctor said was why
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
