Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
