Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize