I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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