what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize