C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
