Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
