For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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