Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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