I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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