I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
