You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
