you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
